Why do I have to be so stubborn?
Wouldn't life be easier if I just listened the first time?
For a while (ok, a long while) God has been nudging me. Wait, not really nudging, more like pushing.
Hard. Really hard.
You see, I've been spending the past decade saying the right things and living the way I knew I was supposed to but I lost my passion.
Before our daughter Grace died, I was passionate. Passionate for God. Passionate for His presence, for His word. Passionate to let others know how much He loves them.
After we lost her, I was so angry. I felt betrayed. Somewhere along the line, I began to think that it was my passion that led to her loss. Like by being passionate, I had painted a giant bulls eye on my back. And while God & I eventually worked things out and I let go of my anger, I think I subconsciously started flying under the radar. I prayed, I read my Bible, attended church - I've always loved God. But it wasn't that whole hearted, passionate, can't wait to be in Your presence love. It was easier than putting everything out there just to be hurt. It was safe. It was just enough to keep that bulls eye off my back again.
I was kind of a hot mess, right? But here's the thing. God loves hot messes. And while I was playing it safe, He continued to passionately woo me, just as He always has and always will.
2 Timothy 1:7 tells us "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind".
You see, my job is but to passionately love my Lord and speak what He tells me to, remembering that He is trustworthy despite what's going on in my circumstances. I don't need to be afraid.
The enemy can attack, but he can not win.
He can't steal away my passion.
Don't you know?
I am a daughter of the King.
And my Daddy won't stand for that.